They say, whatever doesn't kill me, makes me stronger. True in most of the cases, I guess. The question is, do I really want to get THAT strong? Sure, being tough seems to be a useful thing: one can achieve a lot. Also, people tend to respect strong personalities. Respect. But are strong people loved? Are they offered a helping hand, and encouraging smile, a hug, a pat on a shoulder when things go wrong. Because, believe it or not, things go wrong with "strong" people as they do with anyone else. Are the "strong" ones allowed to break down and cry without utterly alarming their friends? That's why I cry alone. It's not pride - believe me! It's just because I know, only being alone I can cry my heart out. In any other case I'll start thinking, "ok, get a grip or yourself, or they'll be seriously worried." Being "tough" is a very lonely business. It was never a counscious choice, yet, once you chose that path it leads you on and on through life. People who are attracted to me are usually those who long for strength to help them through. They have little of their own, so they rely on others' Now comes the saddest part of it all. Most of the time the "strong" people find their happiness exactly in this kind of assymmetrical relationships (friendship or romance alike) - protecting, supporting, taking care of and so on. Not me! I can do that and do that well, but it drains me. Yet, the "tougher" you get the more difficult it becomes to find someone equal, or rather, someone who would see you as equal, won't be intimidated with whatever "strength" they see in you, would understand that "even heaven cries" as they sing in one of these songs on the radio nowadays. I just wish I would somehow loose this image of being "tough" and would be seen for what I am. Yes, I can go through a lot of stuff on my own, will survive, won't complain, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate an encouraging smile, a hug, a "let me help you and take care of you at least for a while" kind of attitude.